"One thing I ask from the LORD, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple." -Psalm 27:4
As a child, I had my life all planned out; it's funny how much those plans have changed over the years. I remember being a teenager and saying to myself "by the time im 25 I'm going to be married, own a home with a white picket fence (kidding, but not really), have a dog, and be working on baby #1".
It's laughable how, as children, we envision the life we want and it never crosses our minds that it won't turn out that way!! It has definitely not turned out that way, BUT it's okay, my desires have changed. What I wanted before (or what I THOUGHT I wanted) doesn't really appeal to me anymore. Whether my desires have changed because my life is so far from those desires, OR because I really want something else, I can't seem to figure out! I ask myself, "Do I want the husband, the kids, the family? Do I want the 9 to 5 career, or something more flexible? Do I want to stay close to home, or travel the world? I cant seem to figure it out.
My life is full of questions, but what I know for sure... Is what is found in Psalm 24:7- "One thing I ask from the LORD, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the LORD and to seek Him in His temple." These days, pleasing God and living my life so that I can spend my days dwelling in the beauty of The Lord is what I desire most! It's interesting how things have changed! Less me, more Him! I can live with that!
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Monday, March 18, 2013
My "Center"
"Here I am again,
asking questions,
waiting to be moved.
I am so unsure of my perception
what I thought I knew,
I don't seem to!"
The melodious voice of Jill Scott as she sings "Hear My Call" is the background music to my night. In an attempt to "find my center", I decided to take a hiatus from writing. Now, one year later, people continue to ask "are you writing again"? My answer remains the same, "no, I still havent found my 'center'!" What in the world is your "center"?, one friend asked. How long is it going to take you to find it?, asked another. It's funny, I'm sure I've asked myself these questions along the way, but today is different.
Following a conversation with a dear friend I find myself deep in thought. Today, for whatever reason, someone decided to challenge my journey. "Well, Ken, it's been over a year since you've stopped writing. Do you think it's possible that maybe, just maybe, you havent found your center BECAUSE you're not writing?" Hmmmm. There it is! *the song continues*
"...Where is the turn so I can get back to what I believe in, back to the old me..."
Maybe it's so. Maybe it's not my "center" that I need. Maybe it's not some great epiphany, or understanding of this rollercoaster ride that is my life. Maybe what I need is as simple as a pen, and a piece of paper. Maybe it's as simple as a keyboard and a monitor, or the touchscreen on my smartphone. Maybe all I need... is a second to write. And so, I write!
"oh this hurts so bad, I can hardly breathe; I just want to leave. So God, please hear my call I am afraid for me. I am so afraid. Love [or in my case, LIFE] has burned me raw I need your healing. I need your healing."
My center. The place somewhere between one hell of a life, and the fairytale that I envisioned as a little girl.I have to find my center... AND SO I WRITE AND SO I WRITE AND SO I WRITE AND SO I WRITE AND SO I WRITE AND SO I WRITE AND SO I WRITE AND SO I WRITE AND SO I WRITE AND SO I WRITE AND SO I WRITE AND SO I WRITE Or rather, I try to... but nothing makes it onto the page.
*Continues the search for my 'center'*
4JRA
asking questions,
waiting to be moved.
I am so unsure of my perception
what I thought I knew,
I don't seem to!"
The melodious voice of Jill Scott as she sings "Hear My Call" is the background music to my night. In an attempt to "find my center", I decided to take a hiatus from writing. Now, one year later, people continue to ask "are you writing again"? My answer remains the same, "no, I still havent found my 'center'!" What in the world is your "center"?, one friend asked. How long is it going to take you to find it?, asked another. It's funny, I'm sure I've asked myself these questions along the way, but today is different.
Following a conversation with a dear friend I find myself deep in thought. Today, for whatever reason, someone decided to challenge my journey. "Well, Ken, it's been over a year since you've stopped writing. Do you think it's possible that maybe, just maybe, you havent found your center BECAUSE you're not writing?" Hmmmm. There it is! *the song continues*
"...Where is the turn so I can get back to what I believe in, back to the old me..."
Maybe it's so. Maybe it's not my "center" that I need. Maybe it's not some great epiphany, or understanding of this rollercoaster ride that is my life. Maybe what I need is as simple as a pen, and a piece of paper. Maybe it's as simple as a keyboard and a monitor, or the touchscreen on my smartphone. Maybe all I need... is a second to write. And so, I write!
"oh this hurts so bad, I can hardly breathe; I just want to leave. So God, please hear my call I am afraid for me. I am so afraid. Love [or in my case, LIFE] has burned me raw I need your healing. I need your healing."
My center. The place somewhere between one hell of a life, and the fairytale that I envisioned as a little girl.I have to find my center... AND SO I WRITE AND SO I WRITE AND SO I WRITE AND SO I WRITE AND SO I WRITE AND SO I WRITE AND SO I WRITE AND SO I WRITE AND SO I WRITE AND SO I WRITE AND SO I WRITE AND SO I WRITE Or rather, I try to... but nothing makes it onto the page.
*Continues the search for my 'center'*
4JRA
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