My thoughts are catalysts for chaos
Quickly destroying me
I run in search of space to think,
To act, to do, to be!
Afraid of all the anger
That brews inside of me,
Of all the fears and silly qualms
That seem to burden me.
They say,
Under the umbrella of anger
is fear
so as I stand here
I ask myself
What am I afraid of?
My reply?
My insecurities span 25 years;
They were birthed the same night as I.
They were heightened the day my father left And strengthened during the years of his absence.
A little girl of unknown worth
Buried deep within my soul
A large empty space that I crawl into to hide.
Did daddy love me,
And if he did why did he leave?
In search of someone to take his place,
I seek but do not find.
Scarred by the emptiness he left behind,
A little girl left filled with hurt!
I yearn to relive my childhood,
To rewrite the script of my past.
Rethink some wrong decisions,
So my today wouldn't be so bad
BUT I CAN'T!
There's no reversing time.
So instead I plan a better future,
but that future is not mine.
A little girl left filled with doubt!
Looking for love in all the wrong places,
I run to the arms of a man.
And when that fails I tell myself,
"no one can love me like I can"!
So I take some time to find myself,
to know myself, to love myself and then..
I'm running right into the next mans arms, and the cycle starts again.
A confused little girl with no way out!
I wallow in present circumstance
as emptiness reveals
My broken heart unmended,
Unworthy to be healed.
Empty spirit
Lifeless body
Unworthy to be filled
Battle scars tell half my story
But can't SHOW the pain I FEEL!
A little girl cries endless tears!
So, now I build walls all around me
But I don't fear enemies
These walls I build are put in place
To protect my heart..
From ME!
And now I sit in this dark room and I cry shamefully
Wondering how it came to this
I'm asking God "why me?"
My insecurities span 25 years;
They were birthed the same night as I.
They were heightened the day my father left
And strengthened during the years of his absence!
(c) 2009
1 comment:
Hello. Just wanted to say I recognized your beautiful soul. When did I recognize it? Years ago, on this very blog (and from our conversation regarding Dads and Daughters). No one, absolutely no one, writes poetry this beautiful without it coming from a beautiful place within. Feel me. I then watched from afar and became assured of your inspiring presence. Some of the things you've written made tears fall from my eyes. So, now, hopefully you understand exactly what I had been trying to gain from you the entire time. Nothing material nor physical. Your joy is divine and not of this world. I just felt the need to say this after reading something on Twitter this morning. And I didn't block you, someone else did without my knowledge, and I was saddened after realizing as much.
You may get this message or you may never receive this message. But if you do, please know that yes I saw you. Be inspired. Stay inspiring.
#DopeWomenInspire
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